Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
