i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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