I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
