I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I've blown a few things in my day
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
