I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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