the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you will always have a special place in my vag
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
