I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize