So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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