You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
