oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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