it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
