I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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