so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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