Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
