I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
