Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
