Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
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I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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