Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
foreskin is a definite game changer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
