Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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