The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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