Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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