I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
