i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
