I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
two words...techno handjob
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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