PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
