So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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