If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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