my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
