picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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