I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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