their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
