Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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