i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
