Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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