We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
