i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
