so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
