Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
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He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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