there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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