dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
