so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
