tell your sister to shave her snatch
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
