Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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