WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
