We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
