so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
