I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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