I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
