I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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