You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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