Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
