Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
