it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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