"it" just moved
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
