i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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