Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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