I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
