Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
