he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i already hear my dad disowning me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
