How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
