tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
