How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
