he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
