i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
