Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
