So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
