i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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