Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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