Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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